The "Meh" Feeling

It's a hard feeling to describe, but perhaps I can do it.

So today was an okay day. And I say "okay" because I don't want to over exaggerate and go on a huge rant about how terrible everything went and so on, because things really did go okay.

But things weren't fantastic, or even good because, when you let down someone close to you, you can feel it. And unfortunately, that feeling doesn't just dissolve in five minutes or so.

In addition, what makes this feeling even worse is when you know you're the only person in the wrong, and the only solution to make yourself feel better, and the situation better, is to admit it.

And when you're a proud person, this is a difficult mission indeed.

When I say "you" and "you're" I mean "me" and "I am." Because the situation I just described is my situation.

However, I just want to declare that I avoid honestly telling of my mistakes to other people at all costs. I don't mean mistakes as in "I spelled that word wrong," I mean mistakes as in, I-just-fought-over-this-with-you-for-a-half-hour-and-I-just-realized-I-was-completely-wrong-and-my-whole-argument-was-bullshit mistakes.

So yes. Something along the lines of what I just described happened today, and I'm still debating with myself whether or not I should go up to these people I offended and say, "Man, I was stupid and definitely not right."

Of course, many of you guys will think, "HECK YES YOU SHOULD DO THAT WHY WOULDN'T YOU THAT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO"

But, this is what I'm thinking "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. I AM NEVER WRONG. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OKAY I WAS WRONG A LITTLE BUT THEY KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT WHY DO I HAVE TO ADMIT IT TO THEIR FACE I DON'T WANT TO APOLOGIZE AND I DON'T WANT TO ACTUALLY SAY THAT I WAS WRONG BECAUSE THEN PEOPLE MIGHT ACTUALLY HEAR MY CONFESSION"

*sighs*

Looks like I'll just have to suck it up and hope those who are not very happy with me...have mercy.